Dealing Wth Conflict

This week we were required to reflect on disagreements or conflicts we m may have had either at work or personal life. Most of my disagreements or conflicts are in my personal life. The most recent conflict was about a month ago with a friend. My friend and I had attended homecoming at our undergraduate college. We went together, but when we were on campus we went our separate ways because we had separate friends and our graduation years were different so we did not have any mutual friends. I decided to hang out at the Sigma Gamma Rho plot with my sorority sisters and he hung out with Omega Psi Phi. We agree to hang out together after we leave the last event of homecoming. Everything was going well according to the original agreement. The break down or conflict started while I was doing my homework. We agreed to go to dinner as soon as II completed my assignment. Well, a few minutes before I completed my homework, my friend fell asleep in the chair waiting for me to finish. I kept waking him up to remind him that I was almost finished and we were to go to dinner. I completed my homework and was ready to go get something to eat, but my friend was too sleepy to go to dinner. I became upset and started an argument by reminding him of our original agreement. I did not want to hear anything else because I wanted to go to dinner. When he tried to explain to me how sleepy he was because he had been up since 4:00 Am because of work and it was after midnight, I really was not hearing it. I felt that he had to stick to the original agreement. The conflict ended up being unproductive because I wanted things my way. The night ended with me ordering a pizza to be delivered to my room and my friend walking out and going to bed. This week allowed me to see where communication broke down. I was not respectful of my friend’s feelings and I was not compassionate. I did not place myself in his place. All I thought about was what I wanted and I assumed he did not want the same thing. The fact was he was tired after working and driving hours to homecoming as well as participating. All I thought about was he did not want to honor his word. This week allowed me to realize that I should not have allowed my emotions to dictate the conversation. I now know when a disagreement or conflict arises. I need to respect the other person enough to listen to what is being said or expressed. I need to imagine myself in their situation. I need to express myself in a nonconfrontational way. If we cannot agree at the moment, I need to not take it personal. I may have to step away and discuss the issue at a different time. The most important part to me is not to take things personal and not to be emotional.

Communication Evaluation

     This week we did a communication evaluation. We evaluated our communication anxiety, verbal aggressiveness and listening styles. I completed the self evaluation and I also used a family member and one of my sorority sisters to evaluate my communication skills. I was surprised to see that all the scores were close; there were a difference of one or two points. The score for my communication anxiety reflected that I was moderately anxious. The score reflected that I was concerned about a number of communication context, but not all. My anxiety level was labeled as contextual. The verbal aggressiveness evaluation shows that I have a good balance for respect and consideration for others’ points of view, but I maintain the ability to ague fairly. I attack the facts of a potion, but not the person. My listening style evaluation shows I am a people-orientated. The evaluation shows that I am empathic and concerned for others emotions. The con for having a people-oriented listening style is the tendency to be trusting of people. Which means my judgment is not always proper.

     The thing about the evaluations which surprised me most was my listening style. I thought I would be more action-orientated because I felt like for the most part I prefer to-the point communication. I was always concerned that I was rushing people to get to the point. I always want people to hurry and get to the point, but at the same time I do not want anyone to feel offended. I guess that is why I ended up being people-oriented.

Communication and Diversity

            Cultural diversity is something we were asked think about and discuss this week.  One person I think about when I reflect on friends and family is my atheist friend. I have a friend who is an atheist and I am a Christian and a minister. When we first met each other, we were both working on Blog talk radio show. The friend in the beginning did not respect my beliefs, but wanted me to respect his. Communication was strained in the beginning because he would say things he knew would offend me.  In my ministerial training, I was taught to deal with different types of people and their behavior. I would treat him with respect and I would respect his beliefs. He later began to show me respect; he also begins to respect my beliefs. I did not know it at the time, but I was using the platinum rule and the rule helped to foster effective communication. The person that caused me so much stress and aggravation eventually became my friend. We began to discuss our difference and respected them. There were times when we would still have debates about things, but we learned to respect each other’s thought process and agreed to disagree.  

Learning Communication

The show that I chose to watch was The Young and the Restless. There was one scene I watched without the sound which left me confused. I was trying to figure out the relationship of the two characters by watching the body language and facial expressions. I noticed the woman had a look of anger, confusion and sadness on her face. She was crying with tears running down her face while having an angry expression simultaneously. The man she was talking to also had tears in his eyes, but his facial expression was softer. The woman’s body langue appeared to be defensive. I still was unable to understand the relationship of the couple communicating. Once I watched with the sound, I found out that the woman and the man had a romantic relationship. They had been having an affair. The man was the woman’s brother-in-law. He had deceived to go back to his wife and baby. That was the reason the woman was crying. She was heartbroken. The angry expression on her face was because she took a chance to love him and destroying the relationship she had with her sister. She felt like he only wanted her because he could not have her and should not have been with her. He had tears in his eyes because he said he really did love her, but needed to back home to his wife because of the baby. She was trying to convince her that he was not just using her, but he really did love her. If I would have been watching the show regularly, I would have known what was going on. I would have understood that the couple was having an affair and there was a chance that the affair was ending

Competent communicator

When I think about a person who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context, I think of my pastor. The time when her competent communication skills are exhibited is in business meetings. She conducts the meetings and she ensures that the meets remains orderly at all times. There are times when the meetings can become sidetracked, but my pastor has a way to bring things back on topic. She also listens to everyone’s thought on different subjects. I can remember times when someone makes suggestions which seem impractical and some of the people make their thoughts know about the suggestion. The pastor reminds everyone that everyone’s suggestions and opinions are valuable and should be heard. She patiently listens to every suggestion and she evaluates each suggestion and opinion before making decisions. She is also a great mediator. There are times when a disagreement or two comes up between two or more people during a meeting. The pastor uses her communication skills to defuse the situation.